princessfairytoes

for any one who has WAXED

>  Wax is NOT your friend!
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>CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried
>as I could just see this happening!  And thank goodness I didn't think
>of it first!!
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>All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
>painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now...the
>wax.
>My night began as any other normal weeknight.  Come home, fix dinner,
>play with the kids.  I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
>my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out
>of the medicine cabinet.'  So I headed to the site of my demise: the
>bathroom.
>It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
>just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
>them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
>the hair right off. No muss, no fuss.  How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
>not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
>(YA THINK!?!)
>So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other
>and stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
>so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.  ('Cold wax,'
>Yeah... right!)
>I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
>It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.  I
>can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!  I am She-rah, fighter of
>all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
>back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
>procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini
>line, covering the right half of my hoo-hoo and stretching down to the
>inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
>brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!  I'm blinded by the pain !!!!.... Vision returning, I
>notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!
>Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!   Everything is swirly and spotted. I
>think I may pass out...  NO!  must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing
>drums???
>Breathe, breathe..OK.  OK,   back to normal.
>I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
>me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
>the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
>There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.  I see the
>hair. The hair that should be on the strip.  I touch tentatively.  I am
>touching wax.  CRAP!
>I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
>covered in cold wax and matted hair.  Then I make the next BIG
>mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I
>need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
>Hoo-Hoo??  Sealed shut!
>Butt?? Sealed shut!
>I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
>think to myself, 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.  My head may
>pop off!'
>What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!  I'll
>run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
>wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
>right???
>
>WRONG!!!!!!!
>
>I get in the tub.  The water is slightly hotter than that used to
>torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment.  I sit.
>Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together
>is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
>tub...in scalding hot water, which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
>cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
>God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone
>put in the bathroom!!!!!
>I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
>'So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
>There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
>but she does try to hide her laughter from me She wants to know exactly
>where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?'
>She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
>and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
>YEAH!!!!! Right!!  I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>While we go through various solutions I resort to scraping the wax off
>with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
>covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
>then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
>pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
>event.
>My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
>grace....  the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.  What do I
>really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and ..
>OH MY GAWWWWWWWD!!!!!!!
>The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>friend.
>It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!  It works!!  I
>get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.  I
>successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
>and despair...
>
>THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
>
>So I recklessly shave it off.  Heck, I'm numb by now.  Nothing hurts. I
>could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>Next week I'm going to try hair color......
>Now that's funny... NOT!!!
>Send this to any ladies that need a good laugh.
>

15.6.07 06:37